Coping

Give me the pain,
'Cause I cant handle this fear.
Give me the pain,
'Cause I cant deal with this stress.
Give me the pain,
'Cause I dont understand these thoughts.
Give me the pain,
'Cause I just cant cope.

Give me the blood,
To let me know i'm alive.
Give me the blood,
To help me deal with this junk.
Give me the blood,
To give a voice to these emotions.
Give me the blood,
To allow me to cope

Give me the peace,
So I'll know you are near.
Give me the peace,
So assurance, I'll have.
Give me the peace,
So these thoughts dont plague.
Give me Your peace,
So I know i can cope

To Know That You Are There

You said You'd never leave me,
And yet i feel alone.
You said You're always with me
But to isolation, I am prone.
How do I know You're with me,
When no one seems to be near?
Do I simply have to have faith,
And know that my prayers, You will hear?
I dont understand this now:
Where to go from this place?
I long for the day of my death
And I'll see you face-to-face.
So when that death day comes,
And I hope that it is soon,
Happiness will come and meet me,
Until then, I stare at the moon.


I wrote this during bible study tonight, after we read a passage that included John 14:18, which says "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

The smallest things
Can lead me to this place.
They drive me to them,
to my friends, my blades.
And all at once my will is gone,
My will to live, to persevere,
My will to never again cut.
I hear it calling out to me;
My blood yearns to be free
From these veins that hold it in.
Oh, to see that deep red drip,
The thought brings a smile to my face,
And yet a tear to my eye.


yep, its official, life is crap!

I dont know if this one is finished yet, i guess i'll figure that out eventually. It just seems too open ended to me.

My mind wants to go on,
But my body screams out loud.
I try not to injure,
So my thoughts gather like a storm cloud.
It's like an addiction,
I crave the dripping blood.
Part of me wants it so bad,
But then i'll feel like crud.

Need To Write

this one amused me once i finished it, coz i was writing about writing ... hehehehe ... small things amuse small minds :P

I need to write
To get this out.
The thoughts, the feelings,
And my self-doubt.
My only other option
Upsets so many.
So should i try to hide it
And try being canny?
No I'll persevere,
Yes, i'll keep going.
The marks on my arms
Will be yesterday's doing.

Happy Poem For Alanna

hehehehe....i told Alanna i'd write a happy poem for her if she gave me a topic, so she gave me the topic Kids, and here is what i ended up with...

They giggle, they laugh,
They run all about.
Uh-oh...there's a wall!
Oh please look out!

Paint on their noses,
Play-dough on the floor.
Sand inside the nappies,
And glue is on the door.

And now it's rest time,
At last it's time to sleep.
The room is suddenly quiet,
No sounds, not even a peep.

What's The Point

What's the point of living,
When I only want to die?
Can someone tell me if there's a reason,
Or is it only for the sake of a lie?
what's the point of counting the days
When I don't hurt myself?
Is it merely to stop others
From putting me up on the shelf?
what's the point in reaching out
When all it causes is more trouble?
Maybe I should just stop all of this
Before my life becomes a pile of rubble.

Black Box

I am the little black box,
You will never break me.
Though i remember all that is around,
My tears you will never see.
All I've seen and heard,
I have recorded it all.
You'd best be wary
I do predict your fall.
You'll crash and burn
Or so i hope.
But i will keep going on,
Knowing I'll be able to cope.


The last 2 lines were going to be a bit more depressive, something about hanging from a rope, but i decided that i wanted this poem to be a bit more positive (slightly) towards the end. And also, coz i dont wanna make people sad with my death thoughts.

Feel

I need to feel something,
I can't handle being numb.
I don't care what it is,
But for now there just is none.
I need to feel the pain,
To remind me I'm alive.
To see the marks, the blood,
It helps me to survive.


Wrote this one today (yes i do remember writing it!!), as i am sure u can tell, i wasnt havin the best of days. Struggled heaps, but didnt cut. Did scratch though :(

New Poem

I know that this may sound weird, but i dont actually remember writing this, but i know that i did, coz it was in my poem book, and in my handwriting. I think i may have written it on either friday (i think that was the night i took my sleepin tablet), but i not sure at all. Anyhow, here's the poem:

You approach me just to ask,
To see how I am going.
Do you really want to know?
I think not, so the lie keeps growing.

I'm alright, yeah, it's all good,
I assure you, I'm really okay.
But a cloud of darkness rests in my eyes
And yet you belief in me does stay

You see the marks on my arm
And ask if i fought with a rose.
I'll smile and nod, just like you want
Inside I wish for someone who knows.


Thats the original version, i may edit it later so that it fits better, but i dont know.